Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
