he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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