youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
