I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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