Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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