Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
