You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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