Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
