My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
