i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
