She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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