Umm I'm too high to move.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
