me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
