Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
