i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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