I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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