There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
