at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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