i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
