Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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