You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
