I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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