my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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