sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
