I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
A bitchslap is in order.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
