no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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