I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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