chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
