It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Green mimosas i think yes
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
