you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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