I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
