Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
