I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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