Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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