what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
