this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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