lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
