Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I need moral support for this bender
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
