Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
