i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
