Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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