FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
