dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
