Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
