She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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