His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
