The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
