Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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