Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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