so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
