yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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