Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
