Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
