I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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